How does a vest relax?

I am absolutley exhausted, my recent trip downunder and the rush back for a wedding has got the better of me, so while I try and recharge the batteries, and then catch up with my blog; I have a posting from a guest 'minder' Paul Jackson.

While at a wedding recently where I was serving as "vest" man, a friend commented that I am looking a little frayed around the edges. I guess that is to be expected given the hectic life I have lived. In spite of everything I think I am holding up very well. We Ace vests come from hardy stock.

Looking back on my adventures so far I can see where the stress would pile up. I have been shot with arrows. I have ridden on an unruly camel. Also, I've been burned, buried in the sand and run over. In the words of Robert Hunter in The Grateful Dead's song Truckin', "What a long strange trip it's been."
This leads to the question, how does a vest relax?

I could try alcohol like Debra and her many friends, or herbal tea which is recommended by others. However, these approaches do not work for me because I have no mouth. Instead I have started a yoga and meditation regiment. I frequently lie in Savasana, the corpse pose; because that is the only pose I can perform without assistance. While in Savasana, I perform meditation to help reduce stress.

I have only been practicing for a short while, but I already feel some benefits from my work. I hope to be able to continue these techniques in my free time. Maybe the next time you see me I won't be so frayed. 

Football

At the same time as ODTUG there was some football tournament on in South Africa. I had never seen football (soccer) before as Debra doesn't watch it, but even she got together in the bar in DC to watch England play. But I became a dutch supporter as there were 2 games on during my visit and lots of ACEs are dutch. They are also VERY tall and I don't like to argue with them.

For the semi final it was 9am in DC and we all came into the bar, unfortunately they were closed. Debra will tell you she organised the beer from Mike Riley's president's suite bar to be brought downstairs and get the hotel manager's permission to drink it, but in reality he just couldn't say no to Me, Stanley the original ACE director.

After the match - which they won, I went to the zoo with the Kolk family. Every time they saw a football fan they would say 'we are tourists and don't know the score?' - talk about rubbing it in.

Cryrogenics - The Jury is Out

Meet my friend Stella

When we were refugees in Măløv you heard all about impostor Joe, and you know I have a few other siblings that survived the original cull, but now I have found one nobody knew about.

In fact this one is untouched, the pile of her fleece gives the game away that she has led a much easier life than me. So where did this plush vest come from? I hear you ask, well she belonged to Sue H (I promised not to give her real name). . Sue likes me to think she thinks I am stupid, a waste of time and something Debra will live to regret but I know underneath she has a soft spot for me.

I don't think Stella will come out much, she needs to preserve her good looks and she isn't as tough as me literally but she will always be there when I get back to Debra's and someone to talk to on those long cold nights.

And the name- well you can thank Sheeri for that, it was her idea

ODTUG Comedian and Party

I love ODTUG

This conference loves me, I have to say UKOUG Is the best conference or Debra will rip me to shreds but they have never really taken to me so much. But I am hoping that some OTN people will come this year and that will all change but in the meantime back to ODTUG.

At the big party Debra confessed as to why she always insists I have a conference pass of my own. BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE GETS TWO LOTS OF DRINKS VOUCHERS anyway it was a great path and I hung out with Marco, another Alex this time Nujtenmen bit of whom has since become ACE DIrectors, you see people don't know it but part if the selection process is me. Appear with me on the blog and you are half way there.

The Java bus was at ODTUG and as well as driving the bus, here with Basheer Khan, I even got to ride the waves with Debra.

They had a very funny comedian at ODTUG and as is tradition he too became a Stanley fan.

I have a secret - I know who the ACE Director of the Year is, obviously I know because as the original ACE Director I need to be consulted on these things. But I can keep a secret, after all I am trained by the head of Miracle Security.

So I won't let the cat out of the bag except to say he really deserves it (ops I said he - but then the community is not exactly awash with females so it is not much if a clue.

All will be made clear at Oracle Open

Community Service

One of the things I love about ODTUG is the Community Service Day but I do wish the Americans would understand that Community Service in the UK means something you do instead of prison service.

This year we tried to inject some colour into a pretty run down school. We were sent to the Ronald Brown Middle School in Washington DC. Here you can see the assistant school principal who was so happy to see volunteers. They are arranged through Greater DC Cares and the girl with the sunglasses is Kelly who was their co-coordinator whose job was to turn us into some kind of useful volunteers.

Our job was to paint and inject some colour into the school. there was also one working party who did the library and sorted out boxes and boxes of old books so the students could actually read them.

Another group did the gardening but it was too hot for me, I hadn't bought a hat, so the group painting outside was also a no no, leaving me only one choice, the group painting boards that would finally be put up on the fence outside the school. The sports teams are known as Ron Brown's Rockets and I painted the rockets. Debra will tell you she did but it is a lie, let her have the praise though I am happy to be in the background.

When we were finished I went out to supervise those painting the ground and then we put the boards up. It was a great day and you can see how it all went here.

The big adventure - off to Downunder

The day finally arrived and Debra was up early checking that Mogens' flight from Copenhagen Had left on time. Then it was off to Heathrow for us. We arrived in plenty of time which is good because they landed early. And I have a new friend - Simone. She has never been to Australia so she has come too. I think she is also a presenter but about social networking. I am even less technical than Debra but I didn't think Oracle did networking , does this mean they have bought Cisco? And does the social mean there will be lots of parties?

Anyway, we started in the caviar bar with pink champagne so that was Debra happy for the rest of the day, but things were going to get better, moguls had another friend, my nephew the latest version of the ACE Director Vest. We don't always get on but this is a very long journey and it is good to have someone to talk to.

Then we discovered our flight was an A380 and my it is fantastic. The service is excellent, the. Space in economy is like business on other tired airlines and I should know I have flown most. I really like the cabin crew - more friends for me.

It was a very long flight and I watched a few movies - luckily Debra and Mogens selected films with subtitles are there were not enough headphones to go round, although I really think they work better when you have ears. Debra watched 'the girl with the dragon tattoo' which was in Swedish, Simone and Mogens could understand that a bit but were not too interested. I think there is rivalry between the Danes and the Swedes. Mogens' film choice was really gory and Debra couldn't watch, Apocalypto but I enjoyed it.

I think they are all asleep now so I am taking the opportunity to catch up.

P.S. guess which luggage belt we were?