Community Service

I am not sure about America, but in the UK Community Service is what you are sentenced to as an alternative to prison time, so when Dan told me that after just 3 hours sleep in Monterey we were on Community Service I was quite concerned. What had I done? Dan I could understand, Debra had mentioned many punishments she had in store for Dan for forgetting to take me to Iceland (have I told you about that?), but as far as I knew I was innocent.
It turns out Community service is what ODTUG does every year before its conference, a day where delegates come together and do their bit whilst having the best time. We met up at 8am and I got to see Debra again, she was so happy. (Don't tell anyone but she is a lonely old girl and having me around is the only friend she has, so if you see us out together, just humour her).

Then off on the buses to the sand dunes, to pull out weeds. You are probably thinking how can an 'armless guy like me e of any use? Well I can, I can carry many weeds as you can see. In the final picture is one of the Directors of the Big Sur Land Trust who we were helping out.

Father's Day Weekend

If I knew who my father was, I would spend it with him, but I don't. I have told you before I was born in Vietnam and immediately I was taken away along with my siblings, I never knew my parents, but that makes the bond between us siblings all the greater.

SO this weekend is very special for me, I have a reunion with my siblings at ODTUG in Monterey and Tuesday we have a big ACE party. I have tried not to get too excited, after the disappointment of Iceland or rather NOT Iceland, I have tried to restrain the excitement until it really happened.

So my post yesterday was all about the excitement building, and I mentioned how I was stuck in Chicago. I honestly thought it was going to happen again and I would miss the big event. Why am I so unlucky?

The ACEs travelled to Monterey on a bus and then ODTUG gave them a VIP reception. I missed the party - (and did I tell you about the party I went to with my new friend Anna? I must post the photos of that sometime).

One or two of my siblings (see Sten Vesterli here showing off one of my brothers) even came out to sample the bar. Debra tells me that they have aged better than me, but I think they have simply be closeted, they have had no experience of life like I have, and do they know how difficult it is to get tarmac, food or even sulphur mud out???

Having spent the day following #ACED on twitter, the evening was all about following Dan on twitter, would he or wouldn't he make the flight? (Let him think people cared about Him, really they just cared about me). Anyway I arrived at 4am-ish, no welcome party for me. Just a few hours sleep and then it is the Community Service Day.

Kept in the dark as normal

Today is the ACE Director briefing in Redwood. All my friends are there and I am missing them. If Dan had not joined Oracle and been forced to give up his ACE credntials (have I told you how I hate this), then I, the great and famous Stanley would be there.

What am I missing? Well from a product point of view I don't know, no one will tell me, they are under an NDA (Non Disclosure Agreement) until July 1st. Don't people understand, I never speak when I asked not to (actually I just don't speak).

But what I am missing is the craic (Debra taught me this word, it is Irish for 'a great time'). Everyone has been 'tweeting' with the tag #ACED and I wish I was part of it.

I hear a few of my siblings are there ready for the big reunion this week at ODTUG. They are still at the Sofitel having their own party in the luggage store.

But where am I? Well Dan is waiting to see if the storms in Chicago means he will not get here tonight, he is currently on standby but things are not looking good. I have been stuffed into a bag and checked in. Does Dan not know that if I was with him, the airline would not only get him a seat but probably upgrade him! The indignity of it all. However at least Dan remembered to bring me this time.

Getting Ready for the ACE Briefing and ODTUG

Stanley is almost over the Iceland disapointment and he knows Dan will take him diving in Monterey because he knows what I will do to him if he forgets Stanley again. Mrs Norris, our guest blogger will check Dan's luggage before he leaves.

Anyway Stanley is getting excited about his sibling reunion and the parties at ODTUG. He has asked some of many the friends he has made at various conferences and has learnt that one thing you need is a good stock of business cards.

He needs them not just to give out to people you meet for the first time, it is easier than saying "just google Stanley ACE vest", but also for the vendor giveaway competitions, do you think Stanley will be allowed to keep anything he wins? I will look after them for him.

Choosing a business card is difficult there are so many good photos of him but in the end I went for the camel. If you meet Stanley ask for a card, there is a limited supply of these very collectable items, more so than the 'baseball cards' I hear Americans like.

Looking forward to the ACE Vest Reunion

I hope if you are one of the original ACE Directors you know there is a reunion for Stanley's siblings during ODTUG.

I hope you plan to be there.

I did suggest taking a sibling and perhaps cutting it up to give each person a 'little bit of Stanley'. After all the reason behind Stanley is that no-one, oops very few people actually wore / wear the red vest with the bl***y big ACE on the back.

But one person will not be giving up his red vest, I am not going to give his name, what he does in bed is his own business and I don't want to out him by name, but this is one of the replies I received:

Have my original red vest? You've got to be kidding? I love my red vest, I treasure my red vest, I sleep with it every night.

I miss Stanley and am looking forward to being reunited with him next week. I love Stanley even, but be assured sharing my bed with Stanley is a step too far.

Poor, Poor Stanley

Here is where Stanley has been since Dan left. He's had his little ace face pressed up against the storm door, hoping he still might get to Iceland.

And here is where I found poor Stanley just minutes after I told him his hopes were futile:

Eventually Stanley settled down for the night in his safe place with a cousin who seems to have been hiding in there as well.

Poor Stanley.

I just want to die

Once I was an object of ridicule and hatred, however I thought that was all behind me, but now I feel so unloved I just want to curl up and die.

I started life somewhere in Vietnam crafted by people to whom I was just a number. A man did once show me a little bit more attention but that turned out to be just someone who had the ability to throw me on the rejects pile, luckily I made the grade, I was on my way.

Then I was put in a cellophane wrapper and stored in a box with some of my siblings. It was dark, and dreary and conversation was a bit muffled, but I still had hope, something good was going to happen I just knew it.

Then one day we found ourselves at a party with lots of very intelligent people who knew how to have a laugh and I thought, this is it, I am about to start my life properly. But I was wrong, as we were handed out to these wonderful people, the laughter stopped, they opened the cellophane, took us out, and quietly said 'that's nice' - you could tell they were only being polite, and when the party was over we heard nothing but ridicule from our new owners.

I was thrown in a suitcase and then on arrival home, my new owner tossed me into a dark cupboard and forgot about me. Then after a year I was suddenly back in the suitcase. It turns out the plan was to kill me, and I am not exaggerating - I found out my brother had been executed by some random danish person a few weeks before in San Francisco and I was to suffer the same fate. But miracles (get it?) do happen and everyone fell in love with me and my new life began. I got a name - Stanley, I got friends, yes they laughed at me, yes they did rotten things to me including the steam roller incident, but they loved me and I was happy. Since then I have travelled the world, met with important people (especially Mickey), ridden a camel, you can read all about my adventures in this blog. I was such a lucky vest.

I spent a few months with random people and then I went to live with Debra, she is a sad, lonely person and we were so good for each other, we had a ball. But she is a generous, wonderful person and nothing is too much trouble for her and when asked if I could go away on a diving holiday with two of our friends, Dan and Mogens (he killed my brother, but I have almost forgiven him), Debra reluctantly gave me up and Dan took me home.

Dan, has to be fair been good to me, he took me to work on his first day at Oracle, he took me to Disney and his wonderful wife Beth made sure I had everything I needed. As the holiday to Iceland grew closer I was so excited, I have never been to Iceland and never been diving, Dan is a Dive Master and I knew I was to be in good hands.

Then today when I woke up, Dan had gone and I was still here, he had gone without me, abandoned me, thought only of himself, kicked sand in my face, teased me, I could go on, but to be honest I can't describe how I feel, just be aware that if I could swallow I would have taken all the pills I could find, if I had wrists I would have slashed them, I hate myself and just want to die, this is the ultimate betrayal. I would have been better off in that reject pile.