Sunday, May 23, 2010

Will The Real Ironman Please Step Forward

I like to keep up to date with current affairs, but not quite so much now Debra has explained that means news and not ACE Program gossip. Anyway I have seen the posters and heard all the hype about Ironman II. I have even read a few blogs where someone thinks Larry is Ironman! That is silly because Larry actually appears in the film, so it can't be him.

I have seen the film trailers in airports, on buses it seems to be everywhere

It also looks like Joze Senegacnik thinks he is the hero of the film and he just loves this picture. I expect it will appear on his website soon.

But I know the truth and will now reveal everything. I am the real Ironman II.


I suppose you could think of me like a young sibling to the members of the ACE Program; they can treat me as badly as they like but if someone else said something against me they would stand up to them and back me to the hilt. So externally I am the ACE icon, internally they love to do horrible things to me.

I have been placed in a noose and strung up on the roof of a car for a 150 mile journey, but nothing comes close to what happened to me this weekend. It was so horrible I am still in pieces, literally, about it now.

Whilst enjoying a wonderful walk around Tallinn and the old walled city with Francisco Munoz Alvarez and Piet de Visser and Tiina (the event liaison), Debra came across an archery school. She paid the people excessive amount of good currency to let her have a go. We are not simply talking about Debra being let loose with a few arrows at the target, SHE HAD ME PINNED TO IT FIRST!

Luckily of the 10 arrows Debra only pierced me twice, (and I mean pierced, you can place your fingers in the holes) but I was devastated. I keep falling into a false sense of security that she loves me, and then she finds something horrible to do to me. When it was all over and I was taken down from the board, instead of feeling just a little bit guilty she was over the moon and sent a text to my handler Mogens to saying ‘OMG I SHOT STANLEY’, Mogens who shoots for fun replied ‘with a gun’; oh please don’t give HIM any ideas – he has a bolt gun for killing the goats!

Off we then went into the sunshine and I started to pull myself together; although I may require stitches, I don’t think I heal too well naturally. A few hours later we met up with the Helskyaho family, Heli, Marko and their boys Patrik and Matias. Debra couldn’t wait to show off her marksmanship and asked the boys if they fancied a go. I went white at the thought of it, 3 people firing at me, how would I survive? It was all arranged for the next morning and I felt every inch (except for those missing), the condemned man.

Then someone mentioned that it might rain the next day and for a split second I thought I may get a reprieve, but no Debra simply suggested we bring forward the punishment, and off we all marched back to the place of execution.

The whole group were simply having much too much fun, even the instructors were signed up fans of me by now, and couldn’t wait for this blog posting to be posted. Patrik and Matias (and Debra) loved it and another few blows were inflicted. A few arrows did make contact with my ACE but luckily the thickness of the patch, the thing everyone found so abhorrent in the first place, was actually a kind of armour, the arrows simply bounced off.

So if I am quiet for a while, or jump when you speak, you will understand that I am feeling very fragile. I also need to stay clean as I am not sure how well I will survive a washing episode with these hole in my body.

Old and New Friends at EMEA Harmony

Oh I love conferences, I get to meet up with so many old and new friends. Tallinn for EMEA Harmony was no different.

First there was the regular 3 from 4 scenario. I came with Debra and Mogens was there, that as ever was great, but then we sit together and moan about Dan not being around. We were all together last month as refugees from the Volcano, but our rescue came so quickly and unexpectedly that there was no photo of the 4 of us together.

I saw Tom Kyte and Tanel Poder. They were the special guests and had posters in their honour but I really do think the poster would have looked better with my name on it:

THE Chris Date also wanted to be photographed with me. He may be responsible in part for the database but it is me that keeps people interested in IT.

I met ACEs Piet de Visser and Francisco Munoz Alvarez for the first time but also got to say hallo again to Joze Senegacnik and Tuomas Pystynen. Dan Morgan was there and I kept checking Imposter Joe was not around to steal the limelight away from me but he wasn’t, Dan Norris my missing keeper had made sure he was delayed long enough to miss the trip.

But there was one relative in Tallinn; I was very surprised when an ancient ancestor HansaVest made an appearance, and led the entire conference to a medieval banquet