Friday, March 26, 2010

There is Only One Stanley

I had a wonderful welcome in Mainz this week from the German User Group and this is when I am at my happiest, with my fans, although I must say a visit to the Biergarten was also very nice. I am in very high demand but it hasn't always been this way.

When Oracle first gave me to Dan Norris, I was simply thrown in the back of a cupboard, I was unloved and unwanted. I fared better than some siblings who were simply dumped or given away to the homeless in San Francisco. I have told this story many times but the hatred and scorn felt by the ACE Directors towards me and my siblings, led to the death of my brother at the hands of ‘WeDoNotUseUglyRedVests’ Nørgaard.

I too, was sentenced to death, and taken to a place of execution in Denmark during Miracle Open World 2008. But at the very last minute I was given clemency and the penalty was commuted to a life time of hard labour and ritual abuse. My keepers (Debra, Dan & Mogens) thought it would be funny to document this torture and this blog site was born. I had a few followers mainly those who had been around for my Christening , but it was pretty low key.

Then came the ‘steam roller’ incident and I suddenly had a presence on YouTube. Mogens told OTN, he was frightened of what Debra might do if he ever upset her since she had managed to arrange a steam roller for me; (Mogens - Debra says REMEMBER the threat still holds).

Anyway probably too much detail about how I got to be Stanley and you can read the first few blogs or watch the videos if you are new to all this. What I want this post to be about is the power of Web2.0 giving fame to a dirty rag like me.

YouTube, This Blog, My FanClub on Facebook, mentions on twitter and other peoples blogs have made me if not a household name a least a well known name known to the Oracle Community. I am part of the Oracle brand. People actually ask for me. Last summer I was invited to fly with Tim Tow and then the next day he invited Debra, it is me they want. But there is only one of me and my fame and charisma means I am in constant demand. I cannot accept all the invitations and I hate to let my fans down.

I was invited to Hotsos but logistically it was too difficult, I wanted to go to Arnheim on Tuesday for the Benelux User Group but had to be in Dublin Wednesday for Debra's local UKOUG Conference Series Ireland and Frankfurt Thursday for the DOAG. I was invited back to Dubai and Israel and again had to decline.

Logistics have always been difficult, I have been carried through customs tied in many bags after food fights, in a Patron box, I have travelled UPS, first class and in the hold, but I simply can't be everywhere at once. I have promised to go to Norway and yet desperately want to go back to Miracle Open World and then I need to quickly get to Vegas for Collaborate. I just don’t know how I can manage it. I don’t want representatives, I can’t ask friends to go through my pain and humiliation when the ACE community start being cruel and mean to me but at the same time I also don’t want them to have the fun I often have.

My ACE friends talk about how fast Oracle is, the fastest database machine in the world, I know nothing about databases but how about the fastest vest in the world? Here I am helping Nadia show off the top 20 Utilities, one of which must be time travel.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

What Actually Happened in The Mountains...

Debra is one of my 3 ACE keepers and I love her (and the others) but sometimes there appears to be other things going on in her life that get in the way of my blog being written! I would do it myself but it was decided when I was commissioned that money could be saved but skimping on cloth. I don't even have arms let alone hands and fingers to type myself. I have tried voice recognition but the only people who can hear me speak are the 3 keepers and Mrs Norris.

Still this is meant to be my final holiday blog not a rant at how unfair life is. I was just explaining why this blog is out of order in the timeline. I told you about the journey up to the mountains, well what happened when we got there? If you are a Facebook Fan of mine there are a lot more photos posted there but as usual I was the best behaved of the lot.

My friends are Geeks, IT is their life and the first thing on the list of needs for a suitable condo is Internet access. They need to stay online or become very ill. It isn't an obsession, and in fact most of it is talking to each other, I know Debra often emailed people at the same table not just those who couldn't join us. But this is not about them, this is about me.

One tradition is the hot tub and here you can just make out Alex Gorbachev holding me up and hidden by the steam is Jeremiah Wilton. Then I am left out over night to freeze.

Last year I was then used as a sledge and then Frisbee, but this year I was taken upstairs to the faux oak table.

I got in the way a bit so then they used me as a table! Problem with that is that as all the 'love' in the room warmed me up, I started to drip as I defrosted, so I was banished to the shower to thaw out.

Last year they tried to murder me with a noose but I was too quick for that this year however Debra nearly stabbed me with a very sharp icicle, which would have been very clever as all the evidence melted away soon after.

All too soon the holiday was over again. Thanks Tim for organising a great trip to the mountains and for all my friends who came along, see you again soon.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

New Fans and My Big Night?

I am not finished with my RMOUG postings but I had to get this one out quickly, so I apologise for the order.

Debra teaches basic computers to people who live in sheltered housing (for retired people), the program is called Silversurfers. Anyway they all follow my blog but the computer in the complex is locked down so tightly (I think pornography is a big problem with the over 70s), that they cannot watch any of my videos.

But today Rita, new girl Kate and Jean were in for a treat Debra brought my latest video in on a memory stick and we were able to play it on Rita's new notebook. She also brought me and they were so excited. They know all about me and could not wait to have their photo taken with me.

The girls all tried to fight over me and it was all I could do to get away and they loved the video and am sure I am going to win my oscar tonight. They also loved Mogens which worries Debra as it all goes straight to his head.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Do you belong to my fan club?

On my way to the mountains Feb 2010

Sorry this is so late but I have been tied up (literately, that Debra is quite mean). I have been trying to tell you about my annual trip to the mountains. So in a previous post I told you about the dive at the aquarium, and here you can see me with my dive shirt.

It is a bit of a tradition that on the way up to the mountains we stop for something to eat, it also means that all the cars meet up and we can be sure everyone is OK. This year we went to a buffalo joint in Idaho Springs and they had a real live buffalo (well as alive as I am). One of my friends get a little jealous of all the attention I get and so pretends to be asleep.

We left behind one of my stickers so the restaurant will remember me. Not really necessary, once you have met me you never forget me.

What happened in the mountains follows.

Great to be back

I love RMOUG, they take me really seriously, I have a badge and it even has an ACE Director Ribbon, they know how to treat me.

This year RMOUG had a keynote panel session for the ACE program that was facilitated by Duncan Mills of Oracle. I was so proud to be part of this, and you can see Alex Gorbachev holding me up, and do you know that he is so proud of this the photo that it appeared on his blog first. I love being the world's most popular ACE Director.

But what I like best about conferences is meeting up with friends and RMOUG is special, it was a rare chance for me to get together with Dan, Debra and Mogens. I said in my diving post that Mogens was unwell so we only had one chance to get together before Dan had to go back home, he did not go up to Breckenridge with the rest of us, more about that in the next post.

This very RARE photo of the 4 of us, I don't think there is another, was taken just before Mogens gave yet another spontaneous presentation.

There was an ACE dinner and the next day Victoria (who looks after us very well) sent Debra an email saying 'I have to tell you…. Last night I was telling my husband about the evening and I said I was talking to Debra and Dan and he said “Debra Lilley? The one who has Stanley the vest?” I thought it was funny that he said your last name. And of course he had to mention Stanley.' Debra of course thinks it is about her, but really he just wants to be part of the Stanley phenomena, and he is welcome, I just love my fans.